The Healthy Relationship: Part 3, What Are Your Needs?

ImageBuilding on Parts 1 and 2 of Healthier Relationships …

  1. ALL BEHAVIOR (Everything you think, feel and do) IS PURPOSEFUL AND PARTIALLY BASED ON YOUR NEEDS
  2. THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CHANGE IS YOU
  3. WE ALL HAVE THE SAME NEEDS IN DIFFERENT DEGREES

 This being the case, if we want to improve the quality of our lives we need to start by asking ourselves about our own needs.

 NEEDS: Everyone has the same needs, only in different degrees.

 Universal needs can be lumped in the following categories:

Love and belonging

Power

Freedom

Fun

Survival

Purpose in life (spiritual)

 Below are examples of behaviors you might see in someone with a high degree in a need area.  (These are just examples and not meant to be a scientific endeavor) See if you can find yourself. Beside each behavior place a number based on if it fits you. At the end of each section, count up the points and see in what order your universal needs stack up.  (These are ONLY SOME examples of typical behaviors)

 You might want to get other people who have a close relationship with you to do the same quiz and compare the results. It may help explain why you gravitated toward them or why there are conflicts between the two of you. This is also an excellent exercise in looking at children (parent to observe these behaviors in their child and not have the child take the quiz). It is much easier to parent a child if you understand what needs the child’s behavior is trying to meet.

 Scoring:

1 = Not me at all

2 = Maybe relates to me but very rarely

3 = Relates to me but only under certain circumstances

4 = I do this more often than not

5 = This is me, no question

 

LOVE AND BELONGING

 

Enjoys social activities

 

Cooperative with others

 

Likes to belong to clubs, groups, community events

 

Seeks out friendships

 

Family is very important

 

Craves intimacy

 

Self esteem derived from what others think of them

 

Feel lonely and/or depressed if not involved in a greater cause or group

 

Strives to please others

 

Puts others needs before their own

 

Has many friends

 

Teacher’s/boss’s pet

 

Tends to be affectionate

 

More likely to be a follower then leader

 

Strives to find others needs and to fill them

 

High need to be liked by others

 

Hard time saying NO

 

Purpose in life is in ability to help others

 

 

POWER

 

High achiever

 

Competitive

 

Desires recognition for achievements/ skills

 

Strong will for self-worth

 

Needs to win at games

 

Needs to feel correct

 

Pride in completing challenging goals

 

Enjoys being highly skilled

 

Need to dominate situations/and or people

 

Over achiever

 

Involvement in political/social activist activities

 

Aggression

 

Involvement in behaviors that make the person feel stronger/invincible (excessive drinking, fighting, risk taking behaviors)

 

 

 

Wants to be influential

 

Need to be affiliated with other people at the top of their game

 

Desires to gain higher education to feel better about self

 

Sexually aggressive

 

Gives up family/friends to climb their career ladder

 

Has a hard time being told they are wrong

 

Prefers independent sports as opposed to team sports

 

 

FREEDOM

 

Desire to make their own choices

 

Does not want responsibilities  to tie them down

 

Does not like to listen to people in authority

 

Strives to be their true selves regardless of consequence

 

Does not want to make commitments

 

Does not give in to peer pressure

 

Independent

 

Likes to choose their own path

 

Likes to be seen as outside the box

 

Likes to keep their opinions open and not make decisions

 

Craves spontaneity

 

Enjoy independent thinking and creativity

 

Not satisfied with other’s answers, needs to find things out on their own

 

Restrictions make them restless

 

Likes to be self-sufficient

 

Bores easy with daily routines

 

Relates to other’s needs for freedom

 

Creative expressionism

 

Does not do well maintaining or seeing need for planning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FUN

 

Likes to throw parties

 

Craves the energy of new/adventurous things

 

Likes to be around other people with common interests

 

Can be indiscriminate

 

 

Pleasure centered

 

Easily bored with daily routines

 

Does not take self/life too seriously

 

Enjoys playing but does not need to be competitive

 

Humorous

 

Willing to break tradition for fun, excitement, joy

 

 

Searches for humorous things/people/events

 

Can bore easily in long term relationships

 

Likes to travel to learn and experience new things

 

Creative for pleasure and not for completion of a project

 

Craves originality

 

Does not like confrontation

 

Enjoys learning in nontraditional ways

 

Can be seen as always on the go

 

Enjoyment of life is seen as most important

 

 

 

SURVIVAL

 

Fears for the future

 

Stores or hordes food/water/survival tools

 

Low trust of others/government

 

Fears losing their freedoms

 

Needs to feel prepared for anything

 

Typically very tense

 

Fears the unknown

 

Very observant

 

Instinctive

 

Self efficient

 

Can become impulsive, aggressive is threat of survival is challenged

 

Can be considered primitive in thinking/living (so busy concern about surviving all else is put to the side)

 

Strong ego, pits self against others

 

Can be seen as greedy

 

Needs things to be predictable to feel safe

 

Sees threats where others do not

 

Often intolerant of differences in other people or ways of living

 

Can have conspiracy based thinking

 

Feels insecure/anxious inside

 

 

PURPOSE DRIVEN (SPIRITUALITY)

 

Desires to be closer in relationship with higher being/power/element

 

Explores self/meaning of life

 

Needs purpose in life to feel whole

 

Can become judgmental and self-righteous

 

Can be religious/external doctrine focused

 

Can fears doing the wrong thing or for the wrong reason

 

Can  be existential and altruistic

 

May break from tradition to explore other cultural spiritual practices

 

Maybe willing to give up much to gain spiritual wisdom

 

May have complex rituals of behavior to feel closer to a higher power or their true being

 

 

May seek out paranormal experiences or classify experiences as miracles, demonic or other worldly

 

May refuse to conform to society norm of religious or doctrine related thoughts, dictates

 

Can be more tolerant of differences in people and cultures then average person

 

May have experienced one or more profound mystical, paranormal or other worldly event

 

May seek out others who share similar experiences or views of life and/or  a higher power

 

May seek and find spiritual values/meaning in life based on nature/science

 

May engage in experimental/chemical/risk taking behaviors to find a feelings of nirvana or out of body experience  

 

Attempts to fill voids in life/past through higher thoughts/learning/spiritual education/practice

 

May extend need for meaning of  one’s life to reason and causation for universe and life in general

 

 Total scores:

 Love and Belonging: _________

 Power: _________

 Freedom: __________

 Fun: ___________

 Survival: ____________

 Purpose of Life (Spirituality): __________

 ** Information based on the work of Dr. William Glasser

About Debbie Hill, deborahhillcounselor.com

Wellness Counselor, Author, Photographer, Interested in living a balanced, compassion centered life, travel, spiritual/supernatural issues, history, all things Disney. If that's not eclectic, I don't know what is.

Posted on March 12, 2013, in Relationships, The Therapist is in and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Your blog is very interesting, very profound

  2. whoah this weblog is excellent i love studying your
    articles. Stay up the great work! You know, many persons
    are looking round for this information, you could help them
    greatly.

  3. Hi, the whole thing is going nicely here and ofcourse every one is sharing facts, that’s really fine, keep up writing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: