The Healthy Relationship: Part 3, What Are Your Needs?

ImageBuilding on Parts 1 and 2 of Healthier Relationships …


 This being the case, if we want to improve the quality of our lives we need to start by asking ourselves about our own needs.

 NEEDS: Everyone has the same needs, only in different degrees.

 Universal needs can be lumped in the following categories:

Love and belonging





Purpose in life (spiritual)

 Below are examples of behaviors you might see in someone with a high degree in a need area.  (These are just examples and not meant to be a scientific endeavor) See if you can find yourself. Beside each behavior place a number based on if it fits you. At the end of each section, count up the points and see in what order your universal needs stack up.  (These are ONLY SOME examples of typical behaviors)

 You might want to get other people who have a close relationship with you to do the same quiz and compare the results. It may help explain why you gravitated toward them or why there are conflicts between the two of you. This is also an excellent exercise in looking at children (parent to observe these behaviors in their child and not have the child take the quiz). It is much easier to parent a child if you understand what needs the child’s behavior is trying to meet.


1 = Not me at all

2 = Maybe relates to me but very rarely

3 = Relates to me but only under certain circumstances

4 = I do this more often than not

5 = This is me, no question




Enjoys social activities


Cooperative with others


Likes to belong to clubs, groups, community events


Seeks out friendships


Family is very important


Craves intimacy


Self esteem derived from what others think of them


Feel lonely and/or depressed if not involved in a greater cause or group


Strives to please others


Puts others needs before their own


Has many friends


Teacher’s/boss’s pet


Tends to be affectionate


More likely to be a follower then leader


Strives to find others needs and to fill them


High need to be liked by others


Hard time saying NO


Purpose in life is in ability to help others





High achiever




Desires recognition for achievements/ skills


Strong will for self-worth


Needs to win at games


Needs to feel correct


Pride in completing challenging goals


Enjoys being highly skilled


Need to dominate situations/and or people


Over achiever


Involvement in political/social activist activities




Involvement in behaviors that make the person feel stronger/invincible (excessive drinking, fighting, risk taking behaviors)




Wants to be influential


Need to be affiliated with other people at the top of their game


Desires to gain higher education to feel better about self


Sexually aggressive


Gives up family/friends to climb their career ladder


Has a hard time being told they are wrong


Prefers independent sports as opposed to team sports





Desire to make their own choices


Does not want responsibilities  to tie them down


Does not like to listen to people in authority


Strives to be their true selves regardless of consequence


Does not want to make commitments


Does not give in to peer pressure




Likes to choose their own path


Likes to be seen as outside the box


Likes to keep their opinions open and not make decisions


Craves spontaneity


Enjoy independent thinking and creativity


Not satisfied with other’s answers, needs to find things out on their own


Restrictions make them restless


Likes to be self-sufficient


Bores easy with daily routines


Relates to other’s needs for freedom


Creative expressionism


Does not do well maintaining or seeing need for planning










Likes to throw parties


Craves the energy of new/adventurous things


Likes to be around other people with common interests


Can be indiscriminate



Pleasure centered


Easily bored with daily routines


Does not take self/life too seriously


Enjoys playing but does not need to be competitive




Willing to break tradition for fun, excitement, joy



Searches for humorous things/people/events


Can bore easily in long term relationships


Likes to travel to learn and experience new things


Creative for pleasure and not for completion of a project


Craves originality


Does not like confrontation


Enjoys learning in nontraditional ways


Can be seen as always on the go


Enjoyment of life is seen as most important






Fears for the future


Stores or hordes food/water/survival tools


Low trust of others/government


Fears losing their freedoms


Needs to feel prepared for anything


Typically very tense


Fears the unknown


Very observant




Self efficient


Can become impulsive, aggressive is threat of survival is challenged


Can be considered primitive in thinking/living (so busy concern about surviving all else is put to the side)


Strong ego, pits self against others


Can be seen as greedy


Needs things to be predictable to feel safe


Sees threats where others do not


Often intolerant of differences in other people or ways of living


Can have conspiracy based thinking


Feels insecure/anxious inside





Desires to be closer in relationship with higher being/power/element


Explores self/meaning of life


Needs purpose in life to feel whole


Can become judgmental and self-righteous


Can be religious/external doctrine focused


Can fears doing the wrong thing or for the wrong reason


Can  be existential and altruistic


May break from tradition to explore other cultural spiritual practices


Maybe willing to give up much to gain spiritual wisdom


May have complex rituals of behavior to feel closer to a higher power or their true being



May seek out paranormal experiences or classify experiences as miracles, demonic or other worldly


May refuse to conform to society norm of religious or doctrine related thoughts, dictates


Can be more tolerant of differences in people and cultures then average person


May have experienced one or more profound mystical, paranormal or other worldly event


May seek out others who share similar experiences or views of life and/or  a higher power


May seek and find spiritual values/meaning in life based on nature/science


May engage in experimental/chemical/risk taking behaviors to find a feelings of nirvana or out of body experience  


Attempts to fill voids in life/past through higher thoughts/learning/spiritual education/practice


May extend need for meaning of  one’s life to reason and causation for universe and life in general


 Total scores:

 Love and Belonging: _________

 Power: _________

 Freedom: __________

 Fun: ___________

 Survival: ____________

 Purpose of Life (Spirituality): __________

 ** Information based on the work of Dr. William Glasser

About Debbie Hill,

Wellness Counselor, Author, Photographer, Interested in living a balanced, compassion centered life, travel, spiritual/supernatural issues, history, all things Disney. If that's not eclectic, I don't know what is.

Posted on March 12, 2013, in Relationships, The Therapist is in and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Your blog is very interesting, very profound

  2. whoah this weblog is excellent i love studying your
    articles. Stay up the great work! You know, many persons
    are looking round for this information, you could help them

  3. Hi, the whole thing is going nicely here and ofcourse every one is sharing facts, that’s really fine, keep up writing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: