Life’s Little Instruction Manual Part 2 of THE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

ImageToday, I continue with the topic of keeping and maintaining a healthy relationship with others and yourself.  Yesterday, I briefly explored the concept of: People can only act and react (thinking, feeling, and doing) based on what they know.

The next important piece of information is this:

 2. Every action/reaction a person has (thoughts, feelings, actions and physiology) is based on what they believe is in their best interest at the time of the event provoking the action/reaction.   

 This is a slightly more complicated concept to digest for some situations. Especially if the actions/reactions you see in yourself or someone else SEEM to be directly opposite of what is in their best interest. Some serious situations that come to mind are people living in abusive situations, joining gangs, engaging in risky behaviors, getting involved in drugs and alcohol.  Other, perhaps less serious behaviors might be procrastination, letting strong emotions like anger interfere with life, not caring for one’s health and well being.

 We ALL do, think, and feel things that are not in our best interest from time to time. There is no way to avoid this unless you are omnipotent. If you think you are omnipotent then you need the services of your local mental health provider. 

 So, go ahead and ask me, Debbie, why in the world would we continue to do behaviors (thoughts, feelings, actions and physiology) that end up not being in our best interest? Aren’t we trying to do what IS in our best interest?  Good questions, glad you asked me.

 Our brains are amazing machines. But like computers, they can only function as well as the information contained within them. And like the computer, someone has to enter the information into the brain to make it work. 

Who is the computer programmer of your brain?

  To start, you were born with reflexes and certain pieces of information to help you act and search out what you need to survive. Then your parents, home life, community, school, friends, lovers, and anything and anyone you have encountered in your life added to that programming.

 The younger you are when you get information the more it was incorporated into the hard drive of your brain. As you aged, you developed your own screens or filters to decide what information in the world is more important than other ones.  These filters were developed based on your personality and the information you gained when you were little. So, if as a little one you did not have affectionate parents, your filters would reflect this.

 Let’s say Joe’s personality is one of a sensitive, affectionate person raised in the above household. His filter would search out people and situations where he could get these needs met outside the family. Depending on how high his need for affection, he could end doing some very risky behaviors to get his need for affection met.

 Now, let say Joe is in middle school and he meets a person who engages in behaviors he normally would get involved with. However, this person does things that Joe’s brain tells him, this is a way to get my needs met. It’s not the best situation, but somehow it will work out.  Maybe, this person of Joe’s interest is a much older student or a teacher with very poor boundaries.  Joe gets involved with this person because he thinks it is in his best interest at the time.   This is a very simplified example.

 Our filters are like little radars always searching and assessing the environment to get our needs met.  Searching sale papers and clipping coupons for the best sale on ground beef, the outfit that will get us a job, the right words to get someone to do what we want, choosing to eat a Big Mac instead of broccoli, rehearsing or practicing to all hours of the night.  All these are examples of behaviors we do based on our needs and the information we have screened through our filters.  Got it?

 Today, take a moment and ask yourself, why you choose to do or not do something.  For example:

 Open the door for someone else?

Yell at your spouse?

Eat a bowl of ice cream instead of a nutritious breakfast?

Read this blog?

Choose to leave for work the time you did?

Stay late at work?

Have a headache?

Became exhausted?

Engage in any sexual behavior?

Watch a particular TV show?

Drink five cups of coffee and an energy drink?

Take a shower?

 Some of these sound trivial, but they are not. They are all examples of behaviors we choose based on what we feel is in our best interest at the time. 

 Challenge Question!

  Did you give reasons like, I just wanted to, so and so did such and such and that is what I did this, they deserved it, I have to?

 None of these are the real reasons you did any of those behaviors. Look again. Keep looking till you get to the real reason you acted, thought, felt what you did. If for some reason you are not able to get to a deeper reason, don’t panic. This is happening either because your programming has not learned how to get this information or it is being blocked. Either way, it is your programming telling you this is in your best interest right now.  

 

About Debbie Hill, deborahhillcounselor.com

Wellness Counselor, Author, Photographer, Interested in living a balanced, compassion centered life, travel, spiritual/supernatural issues, history, all things Disney. If that's not eclectic, I don't know what is.

Posted on March 8, 2013, in Relationships, The Therapist is in and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 96 Comments.

  1. Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Thank you so much,
    However I am having issues with your RSS. I don’t understand the reason why I can’t join it.

    Is there anyone else getting identical RSS issues?
    Anybody who knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanx!
    !

  2. There is perceptibly a bundle to realize about this. I consider you made various good points in features also.

  3. I would like to show my appreciation to this writer for bailing me out of such a difficulty. Just after exploring through the world-wide-web and finding views that were not beneficial, I thought my entire life was done. Being alive without the answers to the problems you’ve solved through your entire article is a critical case, as well as ones that would have in a negative way affected my entire career if I hadn’t encountered the blog. Your talents and kindness in touching every item was excellent. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I hadn’t come upon such a stuff like this. I can also at this time look ahead to my future. Thanks for your time so much for this professional and results-oriented help. I will not be reluctant to refer your site to any individual who needs recommendations about this subject.

  4. Have you ever thought about writing an ebook or
    guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based
    upon on the same ideas you discuss and would really like to
    have you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would appreciate
    your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e mail.

  5. Every weekend i used to pay a visit this web site, for the reason that i wish for enjoyment, as this this web site
    conations really pleasant funny material too.

  6. Hi this is somewhat of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding expertise so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  7. Howdy very nice website!! Man .. Beautiful .. Superb .
    . I’ll bookmark your website and take the feeds also? I’m
    happy to find a lot of helpful info right here in the
    put up, we need develop extra strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing.
    . . . . .

  8. Hello, I enjoy reading through your post. I wanted to write a little comment to support you.

  9. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the layout of your blog?

    Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe
    you could a little more in the way of content so people
    could connect with it better. Youve got an awful
    lot of text for only having one or 2 pictures. Maybe you could space
    it out better?

  10. It’s very straightforward to find out any topic on net as compared to textbooks, as I found this article at this website.

  11. Helpful information. Lucky me I found your website by
    accident, and I am shocked why this twist of fate did not took place
    earlier! I bookmarked it.

  12. Thanks for finally talking about >Lifes Little Instruction Manual Part 2 of
    THE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP | restlesswanderer61 <Loved it!

  13. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate your efforts and I am waiting
    for your next write ups thanks once again.

  14. Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog!
    We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche.
    Your blog provided us beneficial information to
    work on. You have done a extraordinary job!

  15. Hello there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok. I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new
    posts.

  16. Very good article. I will be going through a few of these issues as
    well..

  17. My family all the time say that I am killing my time here
    at net, but I know I am getting familiarity daily by reading
    such pleasant content.

  18. I got this web site from my friend who told me regarding this web
    site and now this time I am browsing this website and reading very informative content at this place.

  19. Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon everyday.
    It will always be helpful to read through articles from other
    authors and practice something from their web sites.

  20. This site was… how do you say it? Relevant!
    ! Finally I have found something which helped me.

    Appreciate it!

  21. It’s very trouble-free to find out any topic on web as compared to books, as I found this post at this site.

  22. Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful post. Thanks for providing this info.

  23. I have been exploring for a little for any high-quality
    articles or blog posts in this kind of house .
    Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this site.
    Studying this info So i am happy to convey that I’ve an incredibly just right uncanny feeling I came upon exactly what I needed. I most unquestionably will make sure to don?t put out of your mind this website and provides it a look on a relentless basis.

  24. I am in fact delighted to read this webpage posts which includes lots of valuable data, thanks for
    providing such information.

  25. Thanks for the marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you happen to be
    a great author. I will be sure to bookmark your blog and will often come back later in
    life. I want to encourage you continue your great posts, have a nice
    evening!

  26. Awesome! Its truly remarkable article, I have got much clear idea concerning from this post.

  27. Hi, after reading this awesome article i am also cheerful to share my
    familiarity here with friends.

  28. I simply want to mention I’m very new to blogging and certainly loved this web page. Very likely I’m going to bookmark your blog post . You definitely have very good posts. Appreciate it for sharing your web-site.

  29. Greetings! I’ve been following your site for some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Huffman Tx! Just wanted to mention keep up the fantastic work! czêœci rowerowe

  30. Simply want to say your article is as astounding. The clarity in your publish is simply excellent and i can assume you’re a professional on this subject. Fine along with your permission allow me to clutch your feed to stay up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks 1,000,000 and please continue the rewarding work. Nigel Velez

  31. Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people think about worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks przedsiębiorstwo energetyczne radom

  32. You should take part in a contest for one of the wisest blogs on the web. If you have a chance check out my site edm.

  33. My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post’s to be exactly I’m looking for.
    Does one offer guest writers to write content for yourself?
    I wouldn’t mind composing a post or elaborating on some of the subjects you write concerning here. Again, awesome website!

  34. I used to be very pleased to search out this internet-site.I wished to thanks to your time for this wonderful read!! I definitely enjoying every little little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you weblog post. salon kosmetyczny bia³ystok

  35. Nice blog here! Also your site loads up fast! What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my site loaded up as fast as yours lol kosy

  36. I know this web page gives quality based content and additional information, is
    there any other web page which gives these kinds of information in
    quality?

  37. I think this is among the most vital information for me.

    And i’m glad reading your article. But want to remark on some general things, The web site style is ideal, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers

  38. It’s really a cool and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you just shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  39. I like it whenever people come together and share opinions.
    Great site, stick with it!

  40. Can I just say what a aid to seek out someone who actually knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You positively know find out how to convey an issue to light and make it important. Extra individuals must learn this and perceive this aspect of the story. I cant consider youre no more in style because you positively have the gift.

  41. Hi to every one, it’s genuinely a fastidious for me to pay a visit this web page, it contains important Information.

  42. Hi my family member! I wish to say that this post is awesome,
    nice written and come with almost all vital infos. I’d like to see more posts like this .

  43. I’m really loving the theme/design of your site. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility problems? A number of my blog audience have complained about my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any ideas to help fix this issue?

    • Every once in a while someone will comment that the words are cut off on the edges. I’m trying to remember the web browser systems with issues but not remembering. I know it was not Explorer or Firefox. I have not been able to figure out a way to correct this. I’m not sure that there is. Sorry I was not more helpful. thanks for the input.

  44. It’s going to be finish of mine day, except before end I am reading this fantastic paragraph to improve my experience.

  45. Appreciating the time and effort you put into your site and in depth information you provide. It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Great read! I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account. Maurine Even

  46. I’ve been browsing online more than 4 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s
    pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and
    bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.

  47. I leave a response when I appreciate a post on a site or I have something to valuable to contribute to the discussion.
    Usually it’s a result of the fire displayed in the article I read. And on this post Lifes Little Instruction Manual Part 2 of THE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP | restlesswanderer61. I was excited enough to post a thought 🙂 I actually do have some questions for you if it’s okay.
    Could it be just me or do some of the responses appear like coming from brain
    dead folks? 😛 And, if you are posting on other online
    sites, I’d like to keep up with everything fresh you have to post. Could you list the complete urls of your communal pages like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

    • I think some of the responses come off the way they do because of using cell phones with automatic word fill-ins and also I know I have some people who speak English as a second language. The information I currently post on other sites is the same as here. I will post the URL’s if this changes. Thanks for inquiring.

  48. After I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me
    when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I receive four emails with the exact same
    comment. There has to be a means you are able to remove me from that
    service? Thanks a lot!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: